your presence is invigorating,

take me over, flood thy walls built between us,

my body, my soul, my spirit, conjoined with thee,

aphrodite's hunger saturates our aching bodies,

so they say, i have been allured by dopamine,

your gaze takes me afar, setting me free from this drowsy town,

the weeping willows cry for you, the divine beauty you hold perplexes them until the forest is stripped raw,

take me through wonderland,

show me the way about the cracks and crevices that bewilder me,

my fever is rapidly spreading with every touch,

break me down, build me up, and we will watch our creation emerge,

excoriate, disturb, make the waves overflow,

flood this barren planet, it serves us no purpose anymore,

infuse the seeds with glucose, bury rose quartz in this upturned soil

cure me, poison me, cure me again,

for you are both the antidote and the toxin,

the lighter, and the flame,

the lock and the key,

you live in thy silver locket next to my heart, so you always lie close

my world, my girl

venus welcomes us

if we were to meet again, i'd pretend you didn't exist,

the memories can stay in my head,

the love i have for you locked away, in my heart

if we were to meet again, i'd avoid conversation,

just because we could be something again, doesn't mean we have to,

even though i wish we could

if we were to meet again, and you tried to make me remember,

i would tell you, i forgot,

even though, i haven't

pain isn't pretty,

when the phone rings with bad news, there is no beautiful anymore,

you cry until your face is red and blotchy,

dishes go unwashed, trash litters the floor,

you've worn the same shirt the entire week, and your hair needs a proper wash,

yet you stay in bed, hoping this is all a bad dream, it's not

sometimes tragedy is unavoidable, and it's ugly,

and that's okay,

grief isn't always funeral, flowers, then you part your ways,

it can stick like molasses,

because something, someone isn't there anymore,

so don't avoid the inevitable, let it out

cry tears until there aren't any left,

until snot dribbles from your nose, your eyes feel like the desert, and your cheeks look like they got a bad sunburn,

cry those ugly tears,

-it's not pretty, but you're surviving

i want to scream,

yet no noise comes out of my body,

i want to cry,

yet my eyes run dry,

i want the pain to exit my body,

i wish it would wash off,

but all i've done is made my skin raw and red,

what have i become, and where did i go?

i am here yet my mind seems to be miles away,

-i'm so tired of existing in the dark

i am torn,

i used to be strong,

but you made me "weak",

i hate it, i hate it, i hate it,

you make me smile,

you make me feel things,

sometimes you even make me cry,

'cause the thought of losing you is like the thought of death itself,

i want to give up, i want to leave you in the past,

prevent the risk of our love drying out,

prevent time from doing its deed,

then it'll hurt less,

when you go with the wind,

i don't know how to go on,

we were strangers once, but i never want to go back to a time where i don't know your touch after a long day,

your laugh echoing in my ears,

the way your lips felt on mine,

i'm scared,

you make me terrified of not knowing,

if i move forward, will i end up alone?

if i leave now will i prevent a catastrophe?

or do we have something real?

i know i worry,

i know you care,

but you could still leave,

-what am i to do?

star crossed lovers,

always end up in different constellations,

it seems no matter the time,

no matter the love,

no matter the emotions,

it ends just as quick as it began,

universe do you have no remorse?

splitting up people who mean the most to the other,

and leaving an ever lasting ache,

it didn't have to end this way,

we should've been infinite,

now he lives on in my heart, in my mind,

but he's not in my present,

he's gone

-life just isn't the same when your other half is gone

a sketchy store for an eleven year old to be,

shopping for something an eleven year old should never buy,

poison in the form of diet pills,

i watch from afar, without even a hesitation she puts the rectangle box in her hand, and quickly jolts to the cashier, and walks out, around a corner to the nearest public bathroom,

i watch her enter a stall, i hear the crinkle of the thin metal and plastic,

i hear her take the water bottle out of her jacket,

and then the scene of me with the pills in my hand and the water in another flashes in my mind,

following that same thought was pain,

flashes of pain from all the overdoses to follow, the broken trust of parents and friends, the long nights with hunger pangs, the pain in your chest, the hospital, the news that you caused your heart to rot,

poison, poison, poison

"it'll kill you, you know?"

"what?"

"the pills"

"it's just a one time thing"

"that's what i said, and it was hundreds of times"

"i'll be fine, it's just a temporary solution"

"why is a solution needed when there isn't a problem to begin with?"

"you don't know what you're talking about"

"and that's where you're wrong, this "little decision" is about to change your life forever, this little decision will cause you to do unspeakable things, this little decision will cause your beautiful mind, body, and soul to grow ugly, your limbs will grow weak, you'll get tired, and nearly drop dead, and that's not all, because now because of this your future has grown bleak, and you'll have to make do with the reality that you have no one left, your body is now ruined beyond reverse, and you will never be the same"

"but i wanna look like them"

"it's not worth it, just wait and see, and everything will be okay"

"promise to throw those out"

"i promise"

- if i could tell her how beautiful she was, i'd do it in an instant

goodbye,

when you first say hello you don't know what you're getting yourself into,

but relationships blossom with time, and ours did,

i can scroll through pictures of days filled with laughter, sunshine, and smiles,

i can open my messages and be reminded of the late night conversations about anything and everything,

i want it back, i want it back, i want it back,

even the sad days were better than the ones without you,

i kind of knew i was saying goodbye the last time we met, but didn't expect it to last an eternity,

but now we're drifting away, and becoming what we once were, strangers

never have i known a more bittersweet cycle,

of loving someone, and losing them to time, to life,

-we weren't meant to last forever, but i wish we did