Dear April
▪April 2020▪
Dear April,
You passed by like August, June, and May
There was no warning
Just the chill of your empty white coat
Laying there, one late spring day
Spring was there
With colors, no one was allowed to see
Or, cared for during those weeks
Everyone gray with fear
But with you, everything was always clear
We were a tall standing lighthouse tower
Pointing towards the storming sea
But not for much long
Did we too lose electricity
▪On the last day of April▪
Dear April,
You said, "I love you, Betty"
"I'll be back by seven-thirty"
Your wrinkled white coat passed out the door
Clocked into the last early shift right at eight
Left behind that week's groceries note
And a twenty-year-old stethoscope
I found in the dining room
Later that noon
That was the last day I saw you
Every day after was white rooms
Turned to my curtain closed bedroom
In shades of dull blue to bright for my mood
"What should I do?"
Because I don’t have a single clue
Life was pictured hanging on walls
Taped to school lockers
Stored in cell phone files
Seen on smiling faces
Everything now
Is waiting for the train to pass by
Persuading myself not to step forth
▪ After April ▪
Dear April,
Father's in ruins
He just lost a job
But can hardly handle three
Barely any sleep before he awakes
I’m starting to wonder how much more he can take
I take care of the baby
But "how can I tell him about you?”
He can barely speak
But knows its just only father and me
Since I am home alone
I wait by the front door
Till seven-thirty creeps by
I slump to the floor
Questioning why?
Are those the consequences of having a good heart?
No one drops by till about twelve o’clock
There is only so much one can endure
When there is no cure to feel reassured
Since May, I was
Caught by time
In a game of freeze tag
Turned to a paralyzing sleep
I can’t arise from
Stopped at a railroad crossing
Watching train cars hurtle by
This now is ordinary life
Constant paranoia adds to my Anhedonia
The world in isolation
Fuels this never-ending depression
Hidden behind masks
Hidden in walls
Hidden in pieces left of you
▪ April 2021 ▪
Dear April,
Somehow you are once again here
Just after 11:59
A replica of yesterday's rhyme fades by
Another day of repeating “I’m fine”
Soon dies
If the railroad is cleared now
Then the season is healing
Our world is slowly rebuilding
I will pick up your things and put them to use
Like the long white coat, I played with at the age of four
I kept your forgotten stethoscope
You left behind that last April morning
With “April” etched on it
"I’ll use it like it once was"
Like how you did for twenty years before last April
Love, Betty