The ballad of the marine Monotreme

There was a man from the old ’cape

who built a boat with goodly shape,

an old salt he, he knew he could,

sail every thing wrought out of wood.

‘cause he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

′ he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

and set he t’go upon the waves ,

to find what every seaman crave,

adventure, glory, they were fine,

but this brave soul had big design,

’cause he was not ’fraid of nothing.

he was not ’fraid of nothing.

and heard this man on his great jaunt,

about a monster that shall haunt,

it was so vile, and murderous,

the monsterous marine platypus!

but he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

no, he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

now, platypus that live at sea

are something  that will make thee flee

a terror of the seas , is it

a toothy bill, to sink a fleet..

it has a fur that’s cinder-dark,

the likes of which shall scare a shark,

they from Australia’s shoreline hail,

devour whaling ships and whales,

and it’s not ’fraid of nothing,

no, they’re not afraid of nothin’

now sought our hero long and far,

to hunt the platypus de’l mare

but found he not a way to tame,

the evil billed old monotreme.

but he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

no, he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

and with harpoon, he thusly fought,

a weapon that was keenly wrought,

to rid the world of this fell beast,

on  sealane traffic, shall not feast.

but platypus was strong and wise,

and parried every thrust aside,

it smashed with rage upon the keel,

and lashed out venom with its bill,

our seaman lost much in this fight,

an eye, a leg, his verile might.

but could not quit, he would not yeild,

he was not ‘fraid of nothin’ still,

he used the fog to make retreat,

and find a net for this arch-eel,

cause he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

no, not ‘fraid of nothin’.

so made our seaman to a school,

of oceanic ken, they spool,

to seek ’mong book and microfische,

of better ways to slay all fish.

advised him they, who know such things

about the poisons and toxins,

to leach from animals so rare,

a drop of  blue-ringed sea-'cumber,

indeed one drop of this Echinoderm,

will kill a dozen whales of sperm,

but baiting this slow-moving wretch,

you need but barnicles to fetch.

but he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

no, he was not ‘fraid of nothin’.

’why, barnicles i have no lack,

they cover hull and mast and tack!”

collected he some sessile fare,

for the blue-ringed ocean cucumber.

and thus armed he with weapon new,

one-legged, sailed in oceans blue.

‘cause he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

no, he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

by this time, friends, you must precieve,

our sailor’s double negative,

and while we scorn this wild misuse,

we pity not the platypus.

a creature that must live no more,

this egg-laying mammal carnivore.

‘cause it was not ‘fraid of nothin’

no it was not ‘fraid of nothin’

i hate to tell you what went down,

but this’ here ballad is no clown.

to slay a monster is no cinch,

more Moby Dick than Christmas Grinch.

our brave soul saw the fight resume,

with weapon tipped with venom spume.

and nicked he thus the platypus,

with that vile and toxic ooze,

but thrashed the animal, it would not cease,

and our sailor was like Laertes,

who, with vengeful hope in Denemark

had slain himself along with mark.

and so our poisoned foes, have writhed,

and thus our tragic sailor, died.

‘cause he was not ‘fraid of nothin’

no, he was not ’fraid of nothin.

the truth not ’parted by such loss,

the platypus got no sufficient dose,

and though in pain, ’twas not demise

this shark lives still ,in duck disguise.

‘cause it’s not ‘fraid of nothin’

no, it’s not afraid of nothin’