daydreams and living nightmares

the shore of the pond is sandy, blandly melting into the matted grey clouds above.

i try to draw a heart, my finger shaking as it traces through bits of rock. impulse takes over at the last moment, slashing the curved form in half with a jagged line.

the heart is broken. just like mine.

a rock finds its way into my hand, and i toss it into the shadowy water, watching it sink. down, down, down.

there's no one else around. i don't know why i would expect anything else, but there was a spark of hope. it's gone now, hushed into only a whisper of smoke.

i flatten myself against the shore, looking up at the sky.

one day, it will be different. i'll want to do, see, and be everything.

but for now, nothing will be okay.