A reflection at 86

I smile at the decisions I did not make

for every time I faked, flaked, and snaked

I cry at the will of the world

it takes and breaks without remorse

and didn't see

what was inside of me

from lost potential a life was formed.

In a stringent form, a fleeting storm

farewelled my sense of freedom

The earth never bent when I walked upon it

Furiously unchanged

it remained

when I bulldozed my parents world with my whirlwind decisions

skills that I lacked and a knowledge unfinished

I tried what I could to move a single pebble

but if a saint couldn't do it, then neither could a rebel.

I wanted to live till I was 96

now 10 years doesn't feel like a guarantee

But all I wanted was to see

the change of the century

from 99 to 100

A numbers difference, a monumental deliverance

Why does it matter to me?

Can life be measured in how many

heads up pennies you found?

Or how many times we

scoured the ground

for a clover

so we could win the lottery?

How we won big in Vegas

and lost bigger back home?

Either way, we are here.

A past not forgotten, not forgiven, nor loved.

Not appreciated

Didn't shake hands with it, didn't give it a hug

The past cannot be changed

but the future isn't certain

Here's to 10 more years,

if the years are worth livin'.