If you choose not to decide

You still have made a choice

And the rocks continue the landslide

even after there's no more noise

Standing alone atop a tower of indecision

Creates a shroud you can't stop spinnin'

Its cover recalls the youthful warmth

Better than standing where cold light is dimmin'

But if you choose not to decide

You still have made a choice

Near the end of the rope of time

Right or wrong, the world rejoice

For those things inevitable

Always come true

And what cannot be stopped

Will always happen

And in a way beyond my grasp

There's a bit of comfort in that

I never felt so far

as I did last night

I was up there high

and you were jumping down

without me

my heart crumbled

cascading fragments

littered the night sky

I didn't even have myself

I never felt so far

I fully agree that suspenders should make a comeback. However, I do understand why they left. Think practically. Suspenders are waaay less convenient than belts and in the modern world, you need every second you can get to MAKE MORE MONEY. The hassle of choosing a suspender that will match your tie, putting on said suspender, and reattaching them every time you use the bathroom takes at least 4.3 seconds from your money-making grind.

All that being said the answer to the lack of suspenders is belt loops. Remove them and force everyone to suspend their slacks

When you love someone, the things that hurt, hurt so bad. We all know what it's like to love someone who isn't good for you. But loving someone without boundaries allows them to hurt you without consequences. It has a lot to do with how much you love yourself, too. We're not really attracted to the toxicity, but the intoxicating feeling of loving and being loved.

Last night I literally dreamt I was on a sinking ship.

After nearly missing the bus to make it to a doctor's appointment (I was feeling sick, a sore throat or something), I found myself aboard a cruise ship-sized boat. Suddenly it starts storming, a torrential downpour. The cabins start flooding to the point where if people didn't get out immediately, they would drown. I witnessed two people trying to get out but drowning before they had the chance. My dad told me we were on a part of the ship that wouldn't flood and would be safe from the storm. Naturally, I was still terrified.

Next, we started watching a challenge-based show akin to Squid Game where if you don't successfully complete the challenges you would die. Except, it was a fast timer with a maze of rooms to go through and organize. It was simple organization, putting the same color balls in their proper bins and such but it seemed to have some inexplicable rules. Then we were in the show. Everyone acted like it was normal. Naturally, I was terrified. And there was no prize either. It was just stress or death.

I should mention I had another dream the other night where everyone I'd ever cared about even a little was on a slightly smaller boat. It was the worst storm I'd ever seen and the waves were so rough. I seemed to always be ten steps behind my boyfriend, who I was trying to make sure was okay. That dream was more pleasant though because we all took shelter and started playing games underneath the canopy.

Feel free to interpret :)

Don't you know

it doesn't always come out clean?

When I feel low

sometimes I accidentally scream.

I'm owed some time to ride the wave

and for you to understand

that today I didn't feel like rhyming.

I didn't feel like having feeling

in my fingers and toes or the tingle in my face

when the anger starts to bubble and puts you in your place,

but it's not what I mean to say

and you should know that

because you know it's not

the no mess "I feel" statement coming out of my mouth.

It's the tangled convoluted shout I wailed aloud

across the room, but I think

I deserve a mistake without

upsetting someone I never meant to hurt.

I deserve sympathy without

judgment for my selfish thoughts

when I tell you what I won't tell reality.

I know my words have no validity

I still wonder if my feelings do

I still wonder about the difference between deserving and desire

I still wonder about you

Do I want what I deserve or deserve what I want?

The nights are the hardest part

sentimental and full of

wasted opportunity

lost card games, two dollars

a man if you can call it that

it, him, a stranger you can hardly recognize

a pair of eyes you could never really see into

I thought I knew how to love

I'll try harder than he did

I try harder than he does

So what was the point of all this?

Humans are flawed

Life isn't easy

It wasn't someone you had to let in

He was there and now

not

The days can go by in the blink of an eye

But the four hours

before you sleep

when all the work is done

you can't help but weep

it erupts when there is no sun

and no matter what it is

the nights are the hardest part

Underappreciated

Overworked

Spiraling in a spiral

So windy not even God

Can see the end and it keeps

Going and going until

You reach a dead end and you have to turn around

But at this mark you’re so turned around

You can’t tell the ceiling from the ground

And the ground seems like a nice place to be

Because being is as inevitable as dying

But being just means spiraling

Not spiraling but bottling

Bottling and exploding

Exploding nothing because the bottle forgot what was inside

It’s been sitting there for so long

You can’t tell why, but you’re crying

Crying so hard and heaving

Not heaving but hurting, definitely hurting

And your eyes get all messed

And you try to block the sound

But you can’t tell the ceiling from the ground

And since they’re the same

At this point you’re already flying

So why not get some wings to reach the heavens

To touch the sun to touch the rain before it forms

The bottle before it gets shaken

The muscles before they ache

The heart before it breaks

Yourself before you’re taken

Just to sleep before you’re so exhausted that you can’t

To not climb but live atop the mound

And to tell the ceiling from the ground