when it all becomes worth it.

i've always hesitated to share my story because i've been afraid of the judgement, but i realized that my story may inspire or help someone out in the world who needs it, so here it is. !!! trigger warning due to topics that are alluded to during this - please read ahead with caution !!!

today i heard a quote that said, "what you do not see in yourself, others see in you. you do matter."

it really stuck with me, y'know? as someone who's struggled for seven years to return to somewhere close to the self love i used to have, this quote hit close to home. ten year old me struggled a lot with seeing the value in herself and at one point didn't see any reason to stick around. i almost made some pretty dumb choices that would have completely altered the course of my life, but something in me told me to hold on and continue on despite the pain i was experiencing.

seven years later, i am so thankful for that something in me. if that little voice hadn't broken through the shadows, i probably wouldn't be here sharing a part of my story and writing this right now. sure, i've still had many ups and downs in life since then. it's been quite a journey trying to dig myself out of the hole i had created for seven years. i've made progress and i've had setbacks but it's all been worth it.

i've loved and i've lost. i've given so much of me to people who didn't reciprocate and bared parts of my soul to people who didn't deserve to know me that personally. i've loved people with an energy that they were incapable of matching. i've given my all to things that haven't worked out, but i don't see it as an incredibly negative thing.

the way i see it is that yes, it hurt, but not everyone is meant to be a permanent part of your life. whether they're there for days, weeks, months, or even years, not everyone will be there forever. some people come to stay and some come to teach you something you'll need in the future. i've learned from those who have come and gone and i continue to learn from those who have stayed. i've allowed myself to fall for people even though i've been broken by others before. it seems that my good heart has so much love to give and there are definitely moments where i'm surprised i'm not stone cold and heartless, but i know that that's not who i am, and i truly believe my heart knows that too. i credit that as the reason i continue to love like i've never been hurt and try to see the good in everyone (which i will admit has screwed me over).

if you told ten year old me that in seven years, she would find her passion and fall in love with someone who met her love's energy, i don't know if she'd 100% believe you or not. what i can tell you is that it would probably give her hope that she so desperately needed to hear. if i had known back then what i do now, i would know that everything i have gone through leading up to now would all be worth it.

if you're still here reading this and you're struggling to find where you're supposed to be or you don't see a point anymore, please know that you do have a purpose and things will in fact improve and get better. the sun does come out again and life is in fact worth it.i'm so proud of you for still being here despite your struggles and hardships <3