How To Become A Witch (In Five Simple Steps)

Step 1. Go on Ebay, buy some pigs' blood. (If they ask you for $50,000 out of your college fund, that’s fine, get it. Witchcraft is way more important than some liberal arts school, right?)

Step 2. Paint every inch of your room black, go to an estate sale and buy all the Victorian furniture you can find.

Step 3. Move to a remote area where no one really comes around, and build a moat around your home, just to be sure you’re extra alone.

Step 4. Wait ten or so years, and then possibly some handsome but awfully dumb lumberjack will come across your home.

Step 5. Become friendly with said lumberjack, possess him, and then make him your agent of destruction and chaos.