My End

I always grew up,

in the church, in my home, at school,

I always grew up being told

"you live to make others happy"

so i did

I held my head high.

I said the nice things I could

I held the people who needed it

I listened to the unheard

i was told that made God happy

but what about my happiness?

I lived in a neighborhood house

I was told to be grateful

In a house full of too many dogs

Going to school smelling like dog shit everyday

i was told that made God feel loved

but where was my love?

i hate the way i look and talk

i was told i was selfish for thinking about myself

for caring about others, for taking care of others

for ignoring myself

i was selfish

i was told that someone taking their life was the most selfish thing anyone can do

that god hates and punishes those who do it

so i decided, what the hell

i'll be "selfish"

my depression and anxiety didn't matter to anyone

my love and care didn't matter to anyone

my pain and sadness everyday didn't matter to anyone

i didnt matter to god

i didnt matter to anyone

so i decided, what the hell

i'll be "selfish"

no more "what about me"

no more "where do i fit in"

no more "where is god?"

no more "what about me"

i'm going to take care of myself, for once