3 Jokes - A Little Humor For The Soul

A little boy goes to his father one day and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, saying, “Well, son, I guess one day you were going to find out anyway.

“Your mom and I first met in an Internet chat room. Then I set up a date via email and we met at a cybercafe.

“We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

“As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered neither of us had used a firewall.

“Since it was too late to hit the delete button, a little pop-up window appeared nine months later and said—you’ve got male.”

*****

A teenage boy goes to church to confess his sins.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have had relations with a girl?”

The priest asks, “Is this Thomas O’Leary?”

“Yes father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Thomas, I am sure to find out her name sooner or later. Was it Rose Fitzgibbons?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Lisa O’Shanter?

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Cathy O’Dell?”

“I’m sorry but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Fiona Mallory?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Brenda Malloy. then?”

“Please Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You are very tight-lipped and I admire you for that. But you have sinned and you must atone. You can no longer be an alter boy until four months have passed. Now go, and behave yourself.”

Thomas walks back to his pew, and his friend Sean, slides over next to him and whispers, “Well, what did you get?”

Thomas grins, saying, “Four months’ vacation and five good leads.”

*****

A catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

“My goodness, Mart. It has been such a long time. How have you been?”

“Oh, it could be better. My husband, Robert and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but I’m afraid I am barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the great cathedral.”

Mary thanks him and after a little more chatting, they part ways.

Five years later, the priest is eating dinner when he gets a knock on his front door. He opens it and to his surprise is Mary’s husband, Robert.

“I am so glad I found you!” Robert exclaims. “Remember that candle you lit for Mary, years ago? Well, Mary and I now have two sets of twins, and a set of triplets, and we just found out we are going to have quadruplets!”

Robert then hands the priest an all expenses paid ticket to Rome.

“Oh my, Robert. Your joy is my joy. You didn’t need to give me a thank-you gift.”

“Oh no, it isn’t a thank you,” says Robert. “It’s so you can go back there and blow out that damn candle.”

*****

If by chance youfind any of these offensive,

I can always delete this post, but I thought they are funny.

PS: The monkey has a better smile than I do.