Today.

1. I went on a date.

2. I went to look at a truck.

So. Given those two completely and utterly unrelated items, you would assume I was intelligent enough to keep them separate.

You. Would in fact be wrong.

Here’s how it unfolded.

1. I went on a lovely date at Outback.

We had only exchanged pleasantries via Facebook messenger. We discussed the truck I was going to look at etc. We parted ways.

2. I went to look at an old truck. One that I have wanted for decades. I am met by a chain smoking 60ish year old man in a wifebeater. Literally the antithesis of anyone I would ever consider speaking to other than strictly business. Drive the truck. Like the truck. Leave.

3. Call my brother to discuss the vehicles. Before I am 5 miles down the road, 60yo calls me asking if I liked it. I tell him yes, but I will call him shortly.

4. Call my brother. Finish convo.

5. Call person selling truck and explain that I am going to keep looking. At some point call drops.

6. Sent “Outback” a message along with my phone number. He says he tried but it went straight to VM. I get “Outback’s” number. I get a text that says “Musta lost signal”. I call. We talk.

7. We hang up. I decide to be humorous. I send “you’re cute btw”. Replying to the text that came in whilst I was on the phone.

8. Convo ensues. But it’s strange. And Outback's acting like a smartass. So. I play along.

9. A string of texts later and Oh, btw I’m [insert name], aka old truck guy.

10. Holy. Fuck.

11. I screenshot convo and send to “Outback” who laughs and says I should get a great deal on the truck now.

12. I have to call my brother. He told me not to burn any bridges. Which I did not by phone. However, my texts lit that bitch on fire. He laughed.

13. My brother wasn’t happy with the paint anyway. Which is good. Because after that, he has to keep looking. I told him to find something that met his approval and I promised I would try not to hit on the seller.

You can't make this shit up.

fucking A