When I’m Away From Me

In February of 2021, I sat in the mental hospital, reflecting on how I let my life become somthing that I was desperate to end. I recall thinking about happiness, something that I could no longer fathom, as it had dwelled into a figment of my imagination. I was desperate to experience this distant feeling. I sit here, writing this right now, in a coffee shop, much to my surprise alive and happier than ever. I thought that I'd be happier than ever if I was away from my life. A core memory of mine is violently crying in the hospital, yelling at the nurse to leave me alone, or as Billie puts it, "Just fucking leave me alone". If "Happier than Ever" came out when I was in that dark place, I can guarantee that I would have associated this song with wanting to escape my life, thus being happier than ever. Now, I resonate this song with being happier than ever due to being away from that version of myself that I don't even recognize. I'm finally free. I'm away from that Grace, and I'm happier than ever.