I sat in the bland mental hospital room with other patients, who like me, were completely hopeless and miserable with what their lives had dwelled into. Us kids, bored out of our minds and honestly just wishful everyday that it would be our last day, had nothing better to do than sing to pass time. We all began to blurt out "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars. Now, whenever I hear that song, I think about my strength. I wonder how all of those other hopeless kids are doing. I think about how my life had gotten to such a low place. Unlike how I was hopeless at the time that I sang this song, this song gives me hope. Even at my lowest, I survived. I find it eye opening how we all resonate music with different experiences. As this song is about Bruno's regret with his love life decisions, I imagine to many people, this song reminds them of a break up. But to me, this song means something drastically different. Who knows what it means to you?

In February of 2021, I sat in the mental hospital, reflecting on how I let my life become somthing that I was desperate to end. I recall thinking about happiness, something that I could no longer fathom, as it had dwelled into a figment of my imagination. I was desperate to experience this distant feeling. I sit here, writing this right now, in a coffee shop, much to my surprise alive and happier than ever. I thought that I'd be happier than ever if I was away from my life. A core memory of mine is violently crying in the hospital, yelling at the nurse to leave me alone, or as Billie puts it, "Just fucking leave me alone". If "Happier than Ever" came out when I was in that dark place, I can guarantee that I would have associated this song with wanting to escape my life, thus being happier than ever. Now, I resonate this song with being happier than ever due to being away from that version of myself that I don't even recognize. I'm finally free. I'm away from that Grace, and I'm happier than ever.