shutter

it's crazy as to how quickly a snippet of your world can be captured with only the shutter of a camera lens. 

    case and point; my first birthday. my dress was something i would not have chosen, if i had a say in

      the matter. it's was a pile of pink tulle, that's edged with delicate lace.  on my head is a wayward cardboard party

         hat, with Clifford the Big Red Dog on it. 

(the theme song to that show still slaps, by the way.) 

fast forward, and pause. first school photo. i'm wearing my favorite red dress under a bright orange jumper. this is the first time i was allowed to pick out an outfit on my own, mind you. don't laugh, please.

         yes, i know how long my bangs were. i looked like Samara from The Ring if she was raised in a nuclear family unit. 

(that would make for an interesting movie, in my personal opinion)

flash, pause, no fast forward. fast forward - just..give me the fucking remote. 

 oops, let's not get caught up in the waves of middle school. and don't let your head go under. the water, it's so bitter and dark. it takes ages of rising out with Listerine before you can even start to get the taste out. 

    let's focus on now; the moment, the present. i've learned to smile with meaning again, and my world is pieced together by thrifted sweaters, my running sneakers with the soles that are practically falling off, and my Spotify playlist. 

        i hope i can stretch this snippet to the end of the world and back.

  but hope is too strong of a word to use when riding the waves of life. 

snap. 

  shutter.

click.