two lovers, one heart

Did we move on?

I ask myself that question all the time. Especially when I see your ex-wife at Target and wonder about the time we could've had.

My ex is off in Texas, married now, with an adorable little boy. I'm sorry I could never give her that. But, we both knew that, for me, my future was only ever with you.

You pop up in my dreams sometimes, and I wake up thinking you're beside me. It's devastating every time it happens. I don't know why I can't remember that we are no longer together when I'm asleep, because it's all I ever think about when I'm awake.

Carina, my love, it's been five years now. I can't believe it. How did I go this long without you? How have I survived it?

I think about you all the time. I wonder if you think of me too.

You must. There's no way that two people who cared for one another the way that we did, can just go on and never think of each other again. You cannot touch someone's soul and then forget them.

I have to cross your mind from time to time, if only in passing.

I never moved on. Not really. Did you?

One day, did you wake up, and no longer think of my face? Did you go all day without thinking about calling me?

That hasn't happened for me yet. My friends used to say, "Give it time." But now, they just scowl when I say your name. They miss what it was like before you, but I can't go back to who I was then. I can't go back to the time I lived without you. I don't know how.

Carina-

Did we move on?

I wonder if we did. It eats at me, thinking that you might have a new life without me in it.

My ex-wife says she sees you sometimes. We are still on good terms, she and I. You see, we split because I loved you and she wished I loved her. We chose to stay friends despite it. So, when she sees you, she tells me how you look.

She says that you have been sad. Marissa can tell by the look on your face.

Do you miss me?

I know that's wishful thinking. We were in-love once, that doesn't mean that every feeling you have is about me. But sometimes, I hope it is. Because I miss you.

I miss you so much it's hard to breathe. I feel the weight of your eyes suffocating me, without ever seeing your face.

For five years, I have yearned for you.

I know we had our problems, but I cannot let you go. I don't know why and I wish it would stop.

Because all I do is think of you.

How have I survived it?

How have you?

You must miss me too.

Two people cannot peer into one another's heart and turn away without looking back. You have to look back, sometime. And when you do, I'll be there.