blurry future.

when college ends and my books are well paid

and my mother wonders if she'll see me again

i don't talk to any old high school friends

and the one i love now is holding other hands

i don't mind i just hope their smile never ends

when I forget the way my depression sweater feels

and i no longer need fire to heal

and my hands stay manicured and clean

when i'm all alone, all i support is myself

im not sure if that will always be

and wealth is gained

for spirit

for love

for joy

for rain

my success is looked up to by little girls

envied by my father pitiful words

the ones like chains i one day will break

my dark brown eyes, now mud and stone, now soft

maybe by someone i will forever call my own

maybe a child, whose name i don't yet know

at least a decade before my parents see me come home

not for their love, nor that i miss their hold

not like i can remember, those memories are old

i tell them i'm better than they are or ever will be

and for them to hear and know i'm speaking honestly

my future i can not fully see

the farther i look, the hazier it will be

like rain-stained glass

you can see, but it's still blurry