I know you're always there, as if you were a chunk of pure terror that had been chilling in space but had one day decided to dive down to Earth and had buried itself into my heart so that it became a part of it. Sometimes I feel like I could cut open my chest and cut it out and it, and all its heaviness would be gone and everything would be solved.
Sometimes it's fine, we're fine dude. I forget about it, I get distracted, and for once, I feel okay. But even though I feel as fearless as a lion, and on the top of the world, it pulls me back to the ground and I don't know who I am.
Sometimes, it takes control of me, melting down into a liquid and entering my veins, flowing through my body like water on a prayer wheel, powering it even more as it flies with my red blood cells. It makes me go crazy, and I feel as though I was going insane, and the world is bent and swirling around in ways I do not understand because it looks the same but it doesn't.
Sometimes I feel like it is the only thing that makes sense even though it casually drops a bucketful of irrationality into my mind and that doesn't make sense. But it's the only thing that's keeping me from going over the edge and I cling onto it until it becomes who I am. Which is terrifying to be honest. Yet, if I let it go, I'd crumble into dust as the rubber bands that had been holding me together the whole time snap.