Today is a special day, so we've all gathered here to celebrate: mother, father, sisters, second cousins, brother-in-laws, the family dog, your dearly departed grandma. There's also your friends from grade school, ex-employers and former lovers, your favorite primary care physician, your therapist, and your fourth grade teacher. Everyone that has ever meant anything to you, from birth to present day, is seated here at this table, eagerly awaiting your arrival. We are poised on the edge of our chairs, hands folded in laps and eyes fixed on the front entrance.
The table is laden with gifts, prettily wrapped packages with gold and silver ribbons, stacked up to the height of a small tree. The placemats are set with the finest china we could find. There are real cloth napkins with hand-embroidered patterns, vases bursting with fragrant flowers, trays of delicate finger foods, and an array of imported cheeses, exotic fruit, and top-shelf liquor. There is even an ice sculpture. In the center of it all is the star of the show: a cake. But not just any cake. A fruitcake, topped with a generous layer of icing, baked especially for you. We know how much you adore it.
And we adore you. We really, really do.