Defeat was my greatest defense
I remember the things that my father taught me,
and all the things that I learned from him.
I never thought I wanted to be like he was.
I always wanted to be someone else.
I wanted all his wisdom, but I had no patience.
I wanted all his ethics, but I had no morals.
I wanted all his talent, but I had no knowledge.
He helped so many and was a man of his word.
He tried to teach me, the value of hard work and honesty.
I fell into sloth, deceit, and darkness.
I looked at myself with contempt, a parasite, a pariah.
I had become the monster of nightmares and pain
…. I was walking death.
I had done things, that should have had me locked up in chains,
awakened a demon that knows no peace, that lies dormant like a festering sickness.
I was beaten, defeated, I knew only darkness, a shadow walking through the trees.
Through time I found a greater wisdom, A paradox.
I was no longer my own God, demon, Judas, defeat was my greatest defense.
The mercy of surrender gave me hope.
No longer akin to darkness and shadow, I could be everything that he once was.
I looked in the mirror, and the monster was gone.
David Casabonne (C) 12.30.2021 All rights reserved