Loving You

I sit here on this cold night alone remembering loving you. I think of you & the memories we have made and tears fill my eyes. We have laughed so many laughs and cried not as many tears. We have smoked a ton of blunts & cuddled hundreds of nights to sleep. You at times have brought my soul so much peace. You have become a lead person in my life. I value your perspective and melt at your touch. When our lips touch I become completely under your spell, bowing to you at my own will.

When I think of you I also think about all the times you said "You didn't want a girlfriend." and "You didn't love me, just had love for me." All the times you pushed me away, ignored me for weeks, then pulled me back in just to repeat the cycle. You let me pour my heart, soul, emotions, secrets, and love into you for a year without giving me much in return. I never swayed, never wandered, never faltered. Somehow with you being closed off, emotionally detached, & me begging for your attention, I still fell madly deeply in love with you. I remember nights I would just stare at you, begging in my head for you to just love me, for me to just be enough. I knew I would never meet your exceptions no matter how hard I tried. You were better than me.

Trust me, I tried. I wanted to be your everything so badly. That one person who made all the pain, doubt, hate, resentment, and darkness disappear and the light reappear. My own demons, abuse, and neglect left me unable to communicate and provide you with what you needed to be secure in our relationship and for that I am sorry. I am sorry I made you doubt me, my love for you, and us. If I know one thing it was always you. I hope I made you feel that at least once, for a moment. You were my prince charming, knight and shining armor.

You are worthy of all things beautiful and happy. You deserve to have that sparkle in your eyes & smile across your face. You deserve unconditional love from a worthy women. Know your worth & add tax. I will always love you.