Fallen Aspirations

when i was younger,

a child,

i wanted to be a nun -

prayers, books and solace

no worries of boys or family

an outside world, taken away

willingly and so simply

there would be plain clothes, and a marriage

to a deity! - though nonexistent

then

when i was a little older, but young still

i wanted to be an embalmer -

chemicals, textbooks and silence

shielded, hiding from the world outside

a bubble where there's only me and a shell, like me

no time for friends or to MAKE a family

the money, the learning!

helping people from off stage,

death is always so sentimental

i think i just wanted to be alone, left to my reading

i think that to be true still, always -

secluded almost from even myself

it's funny, now....

i became neither of these things, none

and here

i sit.