I have not felt what I am supposed to feel

I am supposed to feel a burning, a knowing that it is true. I spent two years of my life teaching others about my faith and how they can be happy and find joy in life through the faith of my parents. I studied and graduated from a university formed and supported by my little christian faith. I have benefited greatly from my faith and its emphasis on families. I do not if it is true, but I don't really know if I have a purpose without my faith.

As I was growing up, my faith always gave me the next few steps in life that I had to take, but know that is done. Mostly. The path started by doing while in sunday school and listening to the gospel teachings of the christian bible, and the other important texts in our faith. Then there were ordinances, around eight of them, that I received as I reached certain ages. After that was the two-year period of service that I needed to perform for others elsewhere in the world. Some of my siblings, for I had many, had already began and finished this service period in countries far away, other siblings served after me. It was a rite of passage that I performed willingly, at times second guessing myself; wondering if I was worthy of it. The question of worthiness being there because of issues of self-mastery I had had growing up, trying to deal with my growing body and the associated feelings. College was a rite of passage as well, a rite that I performed well. Now, I am done and already furthering my education to a deeper level, paying more this time, and hoping that it would be worthwhile. At times I fear that it will not.

My upbringing twists and contorts how I view the world, it always will, but, while the church's teachings do a lot of good in the world, I do not know if it is true. The supposed final two steps of life that the church puts forth are marriage for life, and staying true to the path until the end. I am supposed to find a wife, one in the same faith is best, and get married and have kids. I want to do this, but I do not went to have a bride just because it is breeding season, because I need to check off a box. Furthermore, how can I find wife in the faith that is fine with my questions and apprehensions about our faith. How would she look at my many failings in following the faith's commands. On the other hand, if I have am able to love outside my faith, how would it turn out? My faith's standards do make sense, mostly, should I hold her to the same standards as I hold myself.

I was taught as I grew up, that I will receive this feeling of goodness when I know that my faith is true. It will happen as I study his word, but so far it has not happended. How long should I wait?