I’m Sorry

It became too much. You became too much. I had to quit on you, mostly because you took so much that I always felt drained after talking to you, seeing you, and most especially, after spending time with you. I didn't understand why it was so at the time, but now I know it was because of something I didn't understand at that point in time. All I knew then was that the weight created by each interaction with you became nearly unbearable and felt akin to something like drudgery. I know now though; this is what happens to empaths. We absorb all the energy, be it negative or positive, from others, but we most especially absorb all that horrid negative energy. It weighs us down until we feel burdened for reasons beyond our scope of understanding. The truth was that your heart was never in the wrong place - it was always good. You never intended to make me feel burdened by anything, especially by you. I know that now even though my understanding has come too late, because now you are gone from this earth.

So I went that day many months ago to your graveside and told you how sorry I am that I abandoned you in a friendship that I should have valued more. I poured my heart out to you there upon the grass so green and in front of the small grave marker with your name simply detailed on it. I cried and I laughed, just as we did together so many times. I hope you heard me. I think you did, and I think you understand. You always did have that uncanny ability to know beyond the obvious or beyond the ken of this world, so I'm sure that ability is even more fine-tuned on the other side. So, yes, I am sure you heard my every word. And even more, I know you understand. Still, I wish I could have realized all of this before you left. I would very much have liked to talk with you again and tell you those simple yet profound words in the flesh: 'I'm so very sorry'. Despite my lack of effort and all my faults, I loved you, and the memories I have of our friendship remain very special because you were very special.

I am an idiot. I am so sorry. You deserved so much more.