Will it ever be enough?

I feel love, just differently.

I don’t talk about myself often so I apologize that I can’t express myself well.

I’m sorry, but I lied to you. For years.

You’ve been waiting for me to admit it.

Either way, you deserve the full truth.

If I summoned up my courage would it be enough?

I wish it were so easy to say.

I’ve felt this way for so long. I’ve tried too many times and always failed.

How could you ever consider me? The guy who’s been bullied for years?

I can’t even speak in front of a crowd, and would rather stay at home playing video games by himself than go outside and face the world.

I’m always thinking. My thoughts are loud and violent, but I’m meek and timid. If I spoke up I knew I would say the wrong thing.

My words always get snagged in my throat, cutting me on their way out, but erode quickly after being exposed.

I will tell you soon. I just need time to muster up the courage.

The feelings come to me easily but always feel uncanny.

I cringe at the idea of hearing myself say those words as if they don’t sound genuine.

Simply because they're mine.

You’re so dear to my heart, but love is not known to me.

I do love you. I promise. I’m just not enough

And maybe that’s my ego talking. I regret even the thought.

I’ve dragged it on long enough!

I realize now I’m procrastinating.

I can’t live my whole life in fear!

Right?

Next time I get the chance I will tell you everything.

I’ll stand up to face you in my mirror reflection.

I’ll look upon you and aspire to be a better version of myself that could make you proud.

I’ll always love you tomorrow, but not today.