My Conversation with God

"WHY, God, WHY?!? God, I don't understand WHY! Why can't I hold my tongue? Why can't I just ignore them? Why can't I shut out their frustrating words? Why must I humiliate myself by losing my temper...AGAIN?!? God, please tell me! Will I ever learn to hold my tongue and keep back the angry words I am thinking? Or will I continue to yell my innermost thoughts at people at top volume? Will I ever learn to be sweet and quiet? To be calm and patient? To just sit back and watch things happen? Or will I always lose my temper and take control? Why, God, does this keep happening? Am I just a horrible person? Do you even care?"

"Yes, Amanda, I care."

"Who was that? Did someone say something? Who's there? I wasn't talking to you, whoever you are."

"Yes you were, Amanda. You were asking me WHY."

"Wait, are you..."

"God? Yes. I was listening, Amanda. I'm always listening to you, because I care about you. You ought to know that."

"Well, yeah, I do. But sometimes it doesn't..."

"It doesn't seem that way?"

"No, it doesn't."

"Amanda, I always listen to YOU. The question here is, will you pause a moment to listen to ME?"

"Oh. I'm sorry. Yes, I will listen."

"Good. Amanda, you're a very, very special girl. You're unique, and I love you very much. So, why do you question yourself? Did you ask me for my help in holding your tongue?"

"Umm...no."

"Should you have asked for my help?"

"I suppose so, but it was such a small thing!"

"Yet, though it was a 'small thing', you lost your temper."

"Well, I tried not to!"

"I know, but remember, you can't do things on your strength; you need mine."

"I know."

"So why didn't you ask? Just because it was small?"

"Well, I, um, lied the other day, and I was afraid that you were angry with me."

"Amanda, did you ask me for forgiveness?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I, um... Actually, I don't know."

"I see. Why don't you do that right now?"

"Oh, okay. God, I sinned again, will you please forgive me?"

"Certainly; you were forgiven before you asked. Now, Amanda, to answer your questions: No, you'll never be the person that you think that you should be. You, Amanda, are a very confident, lively and talkative girl. You will always be that, because I created you to be that. Amanda, I love you for who you are, not for what you think you should be. Yes, there are times when you should be calmer, and more patient, but in those times, you need my help. All you have to do, Amanda, is ask for it, and I will help you. You are my beloved child, Amanda.

Now, I have forgiven you already, but you still need to ask forgiveness from those you offended."

"Yes, God. I will do that."

"And remember, Amanda, you are very special to me."

"Yes, God, I will remember."

"I love you, Amanda."

"I love you, God."