The One and Only Tanya

Tanya surveyed her surroundings, trying to figure out where she was. She had just completed a mission, but in the attempt to return home, she found herself dazed and lost. When she came to, she realized she was in a giant cage with three perches. The outside world of the cage appeared to be a giant pet shop. In front of her were puppies in another contained section. She couldn't believe how colossal the puppies were, unless she herself had been shrunk.

"Stupid time travel spell, what was Vance thinking buying me that spell book?" Tanya cursed out loud. "Instead of getting back to my time, I'm in this weird ass pet shop...."

"How much is that mage in the cage, la la la?" A random voice sang. Tanya looked and saw another female mage staring at her with glee.

Tanya assumed from the sneer that this mage was probably not here to assist. She was relieved to see that the mage appeared to be the same size as her. She prepared to get information from her tormentor by any means necessary.

"Where the hell are we, and who the hell are you?" Tanya snarled.

"What, you didn't like my original tune?" The mage sneered.

"No, it wasn't even very original. I liked it better when it was about a doggy in the window."

"Oh dear, she knows I'm an unoriginal fraud now." The mage teased. "That's ok, I'll kill you and remove any evidence of my unoriginality!"

"Sure you will.... but first, do you at least have an original name? I'd like to know who I'm about to kill."

"My name is Tanya. Tanya Valencia. And you?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm Tanya. Tanya Balencia. One fucking letter difference.... you really are unoriginal."

"Give me a break, it must be one of those writing challenges where the author has to come up with this story on the fly. Cut the author some slack."

"No bitch, Pen to the Paper is one of the greats! Nick would kick your ass so easily, but I'm fine with doing so myself!"

Tanya B. pointed at the bars of the cage and they split apart enough to make an exit. She then drew her staff, and lunged at Tanya V. She swung and missed, receiving a punch in the face as a response. Tanya B. stood her ground and attempted another strike, clubbing Tanya V. in the neck. Tanya V. briefly doubled over before laughing. She then wove her hand over the floor, causing a platform to come out, sending both of them high up.

"I have things to do inferior Tanya, so let's put an end to this contest." Tanya V. suggested with a sadistic grin.

"What do you have in mind?" Tanya B. asked with a vicious grin of her own.

"No magic, no weapons. A chicken race. We charge at each other and stop when we collide. Whoever falls off this platform lands in that puppy pen and becomes their plaything. The winner finds a way to escape to the world where they belong."

"Wait, this world isn't your doing?" Tanya B. asked.

"Nope, I got pulled here from another world I had traveled to. I'm guessing only one of us can flee. There's only need for one Tanya anyway. So let's crash into each other, and whichever one of us doesn't become puppy chow escapes!"

"Fine with me. Even if I never find a way out, not having to hear you sing again would be a blessing indeed."

"You don't know what you're missing. Ok Tanya, do your worst!"

"There's no way I could do any worse, you are already here!"

The two Tanyas yelled a guttural battle cry before racing straight at each other. After their collision, both fell from the platform. Tanya B. landed right outside of the giant puppies' containment area, while Tanya V. landed directly in the middle of the pack. Tanya B. laughed as she watched her rival get torn to shreds by the puppies as they playfully fought over their new screaming chew toy. Once there was nothing left of Tanya V., Tanya B. rested on the floor and laughed once more.

"Alright author, you can just refer to me as Tanya now that you killed off the useless new Tanya. So, are you going to finish this story by getting me home?"

"No, but I am!" A friendly voice called out as a portal opened.

"About time Vance, your time travel spell you got from that black market merchant sucked. You won't believe the ridiculous shit I just went through."

"Hey, this location portal spell from the new book I just picked up seems better. It found your grateful ass, didn't it?"

"Fine, thanks Vance, what would I ever do without you?"

"Apparently you would have spent the rest of your days with giant puppies. But thanks to me, you can hop through that portal and come back to our world. I've even got a new mission for us, with a crazy new place to visit."

"Very well, hope your hype doesn't disappoint." Tanya smiled sheepishly, as she vanished into the portal, leaving the pet shop Tanyaless once again.