How do you know if what you want is worth it?

Looking back 

I don’t think you had a shadow

maybe it was always just wandering off, 

looking at garden songs

sniffing for music notes, 

lazy and unamused 

but I loved just being around you 

 There was nothing to follow, 

you never left any footprints 

I keep walking down old trails 

hoping to find a little x with your initials in it 

a destination I can trace back to 

Where are you now? 

 I thought your laugh was 

a layer cake of echoes

they followed me 

sweet and delicious minutes after 

so rich, 

I’ve forgotten the exact notes, 

maybe you can remind me 

map it out on sheet music, 

sketch out the octaves, the arcs, the reverberations, 

why was it so enchanting? just a laugh yet 

I always knew you were leaving 

but it still struck me as unexpected, unjust maybe 

that last time you said ‘nice knowing ya’ 

and I just kept looking back, 

falling over sidewalks and rust particles 

the back of your head was exceptional 

half-shaved with a flop of hair on top 

I haven’t seen a cut like it since 

you’ll have to forgive me for not wanting to 

let go of the vision just yet