“You deserve a break today at McDonalds” (1982)

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” Khalil Gibran

Deserve: to do something or have or show qualities worthy of reward or punishment.

Thus, to deserve something requires some effort on our part. And whether or not someone deserves praise or recrimination, gold or coal, is not for the person to decide. Someone or ones outside of ourselves set the standards and decide whether or not we meet or exceed them, and what we deserve in return. (Despite the title, I am not talking about all the marketing that says you (everyone with disposable income) deserve the best car, insurance, diabetes-inducing coffee drink or soda, whiskey, artery-hardening hamburgers, etc.)

What are you owed? Nothing.

Outside of payment for services rendered, based on the employment contract you accept, no one owes you anything at all.

It would be nice if your parents loved and cared for you, gave you a roof over your head, food to eat and an education/opportunities that might aid you in your efforts to become an independent, self-sufficient human being, but, no one is owed the jackpot of all parents. We are the result of a race: the fastest sperm breached the egg. All seven plus billion of us. (I know, minus the IVFers.) Anyway, what makes anyone of those billions deserving of the situations, bad or ideal, into which they were born? Certainly nothing they did. We have no control over where, when or to whom we are born.

It would be nice if when we work hard, we reaped rewards of some sort – a raise, a promotion, an A+ on a test or paper, a word of appreciation for stellar work or behavior. But if you only work for someone else’s response, you may end up quite frustrated. You can work hard and never get that promotion. A bully may never be disciplined and good behavior may go unnoticed. You have no control over other people’s responses or actions, or the wrenches life tosses into the mix. One of the few things we can control, however, is our attitude or response towards all that life throws our way, good or bad.

Study to learn. Be kind because it makes the world a better place for you and those around you. Work for self-fulfillment; for the pleasure of knowing you did your best; to pay your bills. Not for a pat on the back you think you deserve.

Don’t confuse what you want or desire with something deserved: if you tie your happiness to something distinctly out of your control (nearly everything), you make a difficult life more challenging.

Dale Carnegie has some great quotes related to happiness:

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude.”

And my favorite: “Two men looked out from prison bars: one saw the mud, the other saw stars.”

I hope you are a stargazer.