De-servant
Don't you know
it doesn't always come out clean?
When I feel low
sometimes I accidentally scream.
I'm owed some time to ride the wave
and for you to understand
that today I didn't feel like rhyming.
I didn't feel like having feeling
in my fingers and toes or the tingle in my face
when the anger starts to bubble and puts you in your place,
but it's not what I mean to say
and you should know that
because you know it's not
the no mess "I feel" statement coming out of my mouth.
It's the tangled convoluted shout I wailed aloud
across the room, but I think
I deserve a mistake without
upsetting someone I never meant to hurt.
I deserve sympathy without
judgment for my selfish thoughts
when I tell you what I won't tell reality.
I know my words have no validity
I still wonder if my feelings do
I still wonder about the difference between deserving and desire
I still wonder about you
Do I want what I deserve or deserve what I want?