For the first half of my life, I believed in a God Almighty. I was a hundred percent certain. So certain that my faith manifested me a baby brother, whether by luck or not, and here he is today.

It was comforting, you know. Sometimes, I still miss it. Going into the Church knowing there is someone up there. Feeling like I'm exactly the kind of person my parents should be because I followed their ways like an obedient little one. I was the good girl of the house, I wanted approval and love and so I always wanted to do right by them. I wanted to be the exact person they wanted me to become. Unfortunately... Or maybe I should say fortunately, that didn't last.

The Church began to feel like an unsafe place for me as I was entering my teenage years. At first, it was because I didn't understand why people could claim they served Christ and still be so hateful of others based on things as silly as religion, race, sexuality. And then I realised that I was in fact not the cisgender heterosexual good Christian girl my parents wanted me to be. Being there began to confuse me, to scare me, because it seemed something as simple as thinking I could some day meet a woman beautiful enough inside and out to fall in love with became a sin that destined me for hell.

Hell. That's the dark side of religion. Of Christianity. It's why people have been killed and burnt and suppressed throughout history. The fear. It's what they use to confuse and brainwash so many. It's why my parents are disgusted by parts of my identity. It's why my mother screamed at my sister days ago for not wanting to say a prayer. It's why my father casually informed me he almost slapped me when I came out as bi. The damage that Christianity has done, not just in my family but everyone's cannot be overlooked. The damage throughout history that religion has caused is written in so many books, is embedded in so many hearts, whether they want to remember so or not. But I do. I'll remember.

So yes. I understand the joys of having faith. The comforting, all-encompassing belief that there is indeed god/gods watching over us. But the dark side is a fanatical horror show that has caused sorrow, heartbreak, trauma, abuse and death. So... No. Unlike my more fanatic parents, I have the compassion to understand their own opinion but I prefer a life free of the burden of a religion, despite the deprivation of the good parts. Once you leave, it's hard to imagine ever returning and I really don't ever plan to, no matter how pretty followers think it to be. All it brought me in the end was pain and I'm glad I don't have to put myself under that pressure, anymore.