Projected Memories

What I imagine were some of the thoughts they might have had throughout our... Relationship:

Ooh, she seems kind of funny, it would be cool if we were friends!

She listened back we're going to talk now I'm so happy I've made a new friend here!

We've been friends for some months now, she's so sweet, I love how she really listens and looks out for me like this!

How is she so kind to me? I don't deserve it (you deserve the world dummy) but thank you!?

Okay, okay, I asked her to be my platonic wife and she said yes! We're making a whole wedding board on Pinterest, there's butterflies and pretty lights and boots and I'm so happyyyyy

She made me a playlist for my birthday and sent me something, I'm crying no one could possibly have this many nicknames for another person I love her so much I wish she lived close I'd love to just hug her for hours and hours :(

She's been so supportive about me and my ex, I wish I knew why she was so nice to me I really don't deserve it (yes, yes you do)

It's been a bit weird... I wonder why heh

Oh. Wow. How? Since when? I guess I should have known. Those songs on that playlist... Some of them were... But I figured she just meant it in a friend way. I know she loves me, she always says she does I just didn't know she meant that she...

I just wanted a friend, relationships are so awful why did she have to feel this way?

Did I flirt too much? This is all my fault why can't I feel the same way?

I just want us to stay friends, I just want everything to go back the way it was

It's been a bit weird but she's been really nice about the guy and girl I like (why did you have to crush on everyone else but me) so maybe everything will be okay! I've been losing people... I can't lose anymore

I didn't end up dating them long.. Then she told me she liked me again... I wish I could like her back. If I could just make myself like her we could be so happy together... She likes me so much, am I crazy for not feeling anything for her romantically? Why do I only fall for shitty people? Why am I like this?

(I wish I knew too..)

She left me. I needed her. I needed her so much but she left me. Everyone is leaving and I can't make them stop. I thought she and I would be together forever. She said she'd come to America some day, years from now. She said she would be my first kiss. She said she'd be there and whisk me off into the sunset and that we'd live together. We could have been so happy... Why did it have to go so wrong? Why couldn't I have loved her too?

She's back again... I can't be bothered to pretend that everything is fine, anymore. Things can't go back to how they were. She left me and I know it's selfish of me to have wanted her to stay when she says she needed to get over her crush but... I don't care anymore. We could have still been friends. We could have gone without the platonic divorce. I needed you, how could you do this? How could you leave me, then come back, begging for forgiveness and think for a second that I could be with someone who betrayed me so badly?

This is it. She's leaving again. She says that I was good to her. She says we tried but she can tell it isn't there anymore. What we had isn't there. Where did it go? What happened to our forever?

I contacted her to ask about my best friend. I don't really think about things now but I messed up my friendship with him and I wanted to know how he's feeling since he blocked me (I... did you even care about me at all, then, old friend?)

She said happy birthday to me. We haven't spoke to each other in nearly a year now. She... Remembered. I won't remember hers or at the very least, I'll pretend I won't. She's alone. I'm alone. I'll ignore her attempts make conversation with my little one liners. She told me it's not my fault, that most of the blame is on her for leaving in the first place. I wish I could believe that. (I wish you could too. Whether it was true or not, M, I never want you to blame yourself or to be unhappy or-) Leave me alone leave me alone you hurt me and I want to stay moved on from you, now.

(Did you ever care about me at all did you ever care about me at all did you ever care you might not have loved me like I you but did I ever matter? Lobster sunflower little mouse angel angel fish baby baby girl love doll honey mine MJ MJ MJ)