Ruined

He unlocked the door and stepped onto the rooftop, anxious of what might happen. Was she mad at him? Was she dying? What the heck was wrong? She sat on the patio chair, staring at her hands. Her beanie pulled tight over her head. The blue looked so out-of-place on her now-short hair. She looked so different. For the first time he had ever seen her, she wasn’t wearing her earbuds. She looked up as he closed the door behind him.

”Hey,” he greeted her. He was met with a thin grin. He didn’t see as she slapped the watering in her eyes away.

“How have you been?” He asked nonchalantly.

She blinked slowly, her face expressionless. “You don’t care about that.”

He was taken aback. She was never like this. Where was the rambling, uptight, smiley person he knew?

“Of course I care,” he began cautiously. “I care about you. You never responded, what happened?”

“Things just happened.” She sighed. She was strangely calm. Ordinarily, she was always jittery whenever they had a talk. She was so apathetic, he didn’t understand.

He set his teeth and clenched his fists in his pockets. “Can you tell me? You stopped talking to me without warning then out of the blue you ask me up here?”

“Why do you think I asked you up here?” She said blankly. Her tone was completely level, her legs crossed, her arms lazily draped across them.

The anger bubbled to his throat. Why was she being like this?

“What is wrong with you?” He snapped, instantly regretting it.

Her gaze never wavered, still unfazed. “I don’t know, a lot of things.”

Every shred of anger turned to guilt, then sadness. “Why are you being like this?” He put his head in is hands.

She sighed. “We should stop being friends.” She paused. “After this, I don’t want to see you again.”

He jerked his head up. She was still looking at him. For the first time, what he had mistaken for apathy was sadness and guilt, but underneath all that was an intense emptiness. She had nothing left to lose anymore.

“What?” He whispered in disbelief.

In the same tone as before, she replied, “I don't want to be friends anymore. You don’t fit in my life.”

All the energy drained from him. She wasn’t the type to suddenly do this. If she had a problem, she thought it out and planned. She obviously wanted this for a while and even if it would hurt him, he would always want what was best for her.

“Fine.” He replied. He stood up, intending to get off the rooftop as quickly as possible.

From behind him, he heard her say, “You know, you were the first crush I ever had. I still do.”

He stopped, his hand on the doorknob. He stayed silent.

She continued, her hands in her pockets to conceal the clamminess, “But I told myself I didn’t want to ruin things.”

He refused to turn around, “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because everything’s, already ruined, isn’t it?”