No matter how I try I can never figure out how much of myself I am willing to let others see.

Some days I feel like even when I am almost there, I'm still portraying someone I'm not. I want to be able be myself all of the time, not just in the moments when no one is paying attention.

I'm tired of fake laughing when I just want to stare. I'm tired of putting a smile on my face to avoid people asking too many questions.

My true nature seems to be contemplative and somewhat melancholy, but to be around others I can't be that without it having a deeper meaning.

So for now, in the in between moments I will be who I am. And the rest of the moments I will be what makes people most comfortable. Because any other way it's too depressing. It's to sad and not fun.

I have my goofy, silly and fun days. But those are just moments within the whole. Maybe I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill.