Hansel and Gretel vs. The Witch

"That's her! That's the witch that tried to kill us!" Cried the children as they pointed to the old woman in the courtroom. Agnes couldn't take their lies any longer.

"You little brats! I am not a witch!" she yelled as she stood up and pointed her boney finger back at them. Those little shits wouldn't get away with racking her name through the mud.

"Order! ORDER!" shouted the first red-faced judge. He wiped away the beads of sweat that were collecting at the top of his forehead. This case was getting out of control. It was now time to hear from the accused.

As the kids were escorted out of the box, they stuck their tongues out at the woman, taunting her. In response, Agnus flipped them off. She was finally going to be able to share what happened. What really happened. She didn't have much hope though. Most of the seven judges were already on the side of those punks. As she walked to the stand, she wondered when the words of children were taken more seriously than the words of adults.

"Agnes, you stand accused of being a witch. What do you have to say for yourself?" asked the second judge, with a harsh look on his face. Either he believed the children's ridiculous story or he was just plain grumpy. Perhaps a bit of both.

"Um, I'm fucking not! What else do you want me to say?!" she was getting annoyed now.

"Order! Now, the children claim that you lured them to a candy house in the middle of the woods, is this true?" yelled judge three.

"No, I have a CABIN in the woods. And no, it is not made out of candy. Do you know how impractical it would be to have a house made out of candy? It would rot and you would have to replace it all the time! Plus the number of bugs it would attract? That would be disgusting!"

"Perhaps you used your witch powers to change it back to a normal house!" accused judge six.

"What the hell? Aren't you supposed to be impartial? Who's side are you on?"

"Moving on. You're on thin ice, Agnes. The children say you enticed them into your house with the promise of food and shelter." said judge one, getting the trial back on track.

"First of all, these little kleptos broke into my house and stole from me! Does no one care about that fact?! Also, yes, I did offer them food because they said they were lost and hungry. Is it that crazy to think that I would help children out of the kindness of my heart?" asked Agnes.

"With a face like that, yes." murmured judge six. This bastard..., thought Agnes.

"Hansel says that you locked him in a cage and fattened him up to eat him, while his sister became your personal maid." accused the seventh judge.

"I made the kids clean up the mess THEY caused! They tore up my house for fuck sake! And I'm sorry, but that Hansel kid didn't need any help from me getting fat!" With that remark, the judges gasped. Shit, her fiery temper was going to be the end of her.

"Control yourself witch!" yelled judge six.

"I am not a witch you unbelievable oaf of a man!"

"ORDER!" yelled the first judge. "Now, the last claim from Hansel and Gretel is that in self-defense, they pushed you into an oven, killed you, and ran home." Agnes stared at the group of judges in disbelief.

"You have got to be kidding me?! Those punks ran off before cleaning up their mess or before eating any of the food they BEGGED me for! They also stole all my money and jewelry! It wouldn't surprise me if they were from a family of con artists. Little shits! Also, they obviously lied because I am clearly not dead!"

"You could have healed yourself with your witch powers!" said judge six, leaning back in his chair with a smug smile on his face.

"This is ridiculous! You can't be trusting the words of children!"

"Oh, but we are, Agnes. We have reached a decision. Agnes Flentch is indeed a witch and will be burned in the center of town at midnight! This trial is now over!" The seven judges got up and walked back into her chambers. Agnes sat in the witness box, looking at the children who had just won their case. They had a sick look of excitement as they made their way toward the exit of the courthouse.

She knew she should have never moved to Salem.