Dear Past Me,

Hey.

Hate to break it to you but You were definitely in your writing prime when you wrote to me. It's been kind of hard to write, or at least to write well enough. Other than writing, we haven't really found any other passions, not any new ones at least. We're still into photography (or the simple idea of taking pictures as a form of expression) but it's grown to become a more concert-specific hobby. Maybe if loving people counts, then we might have found something a little more new.

As far as routines and spontaneity go, we have little to no routine anymore. Considering the college schedule and the flexibility at work, there is basically no consistency anywhere (yes, it is the struggle you think it could be) but it allows for a lot more spontaneous activities. After graduation (CRAZY, I KNOW!), which was a very indie-coming-of-age-short-film moment, we went to see Coldplay with Jojo and The Weeknd at Raymond James. These were both very spontaneous decisions, especially considering we got the Coldplay tickets with Jojo at like 11:30pm the night before the show. We loved it. A lot. Recently, we also visited Sofia up in D.C. with Mama and it really helped with our little soul-searching obsession. Side note: yes, He was at graduation and we were together but it was also really complicated and it ended not long after.

In regards to turning 18, it was cool but it didn't feel as monumental as I expected. We stopped living with our dad which was an awkward but much needed transition to make. It still feels really off sometimes to not interact with him or Reinaldo, or to not be able to mess around with the boys everyday after school. Anyway, we didn't get anything after graduation and we still don't have our license so a car would be useless. We have barely driven in the past few months, which is definitely as sad as it sounds, but it's okay. We get rides from our friends that we originally met at work (except Carolina because we did indeed meet her at Leto). They're great and all but we already know that so I'm not going get into detail.

Obviously, lots of things changed so I was no longer thinking about what You had originally written so that trip to avoid family pressures didn't happen because those pressures changed and kind of decreased. It happened but in a different way, like when we went to D.C., we still explored ourselves and what we were capable of while being far from home which was definitely what we wanted to do. We had high hopes and although things changed, we still did what we wanted and I'm insanely happy about that. Lately, life has been ridden with anxiety in nearly every aspect but being able to find this site again and read over something I had written so long ago gives me a strange, nostalgic reassurance. I don't want to write about the hopes that I have for my future self because at this point I'm not too sure I have any, I just hope I get to go to more amazing concerts like Coin part 2 and The Wrecks!!! That is literally it.

544 words reflecting back on the original 619 that were full of hope and desire. With this, I'm hoping to leave behind some of my anxieties as this has shown me that as time goes on, plans might change, and that's okay. You still did what you wanted and look where you are now. You have gotten further than you originally anticipated and I am so proud of you for that.

I love you. Past, Present, and Future Me.

-College Barla :)

12:33am on Nov 9, 2022