Working in a school

. “Do they speak Irish in Russia?”

. “Have you heard of the Bermuda Triangle? My theory is that there’s aliens in it.”

. Teacher: “Any questions about the maths test?”

“What does pre-cipitate mean?”

Teacher: “Is that in your maths somewhere?”

“No! It’s just a word I found in my head and I wanted to know what it means!”

. “Oh … I drew my dad a bit too fat. Then again, I guess he is, if you think about it.”

. “He was chasing me in tag and I didn’t look where I was going, so I hit my head on a pole in the playground. I had a big egg on my forehead. But it was so romantic.”

. “Look guys, I brought my pet to school. She’s Helena and you can ride her.”

Me: “If having a piggy-back on me makes me your pet, does that mean that when you wear a backpack, you’re the backpack’s pet?”

“Yep.”

“It sounds like you’ve thought about that before.”

“I have. I think about everything.”

. “I threw butter, and I found out butter flies.”

. "Am I being really obnoxious?"

. “We had a word in schoolwork today. It was “ought”, and I was like, what? That’s not even a word!”

. "We need to brainwash Helena."

. "What? China isn't in Asia. Asia's a country. China's near Asia. China's a continent. You need to do your geography, Helena."

. "They sacrificed me in the game. They made a lot of sacrifications."

. "I don't get it, I ate heaps before I went swimming because fat's supposed to make you float, but I'm still sinking!"

. “People ask, would you rather have a million dollars or a million friends? And I’d rather have a million friends, because then I’d sell them chocolate bars for $4.50 each week and become a billionaire!”

. "Potatoes are bad. They steal the fame of carrots."

. “They should make left handed cups.”

. "Big people don’t get sad.”

. “How much pencils do you got?” (let’s just say that farm kids aren’t too concerned about grammar)

. "Did you know glitter makes everything good?"

. "That little kid’s really annoying! Don’t make eye contact. He’s always riding his bike around and wanting to do something. Oh … that sounds like me … but he’s much littler and much more annoying.”

. “My mum told me that if anyone annoys me, I should just punch them.”

. “I just thinked up a genius plan.”

. “Imagine if it rained carrots. That would be painful.”

. “Helena, did you know that your eyebrows are beautiful?”

. “You would make a perfect part of my family, because you always laugh at my jokes.”