farewell Gran

Mum spat on the corner of her hanky, rubbed my face with it removing something that displeased her, adjusted the twisted belt of my gabardine coat then bent and softly kissed my cheek. I stood in silence, staring at the long wooden box that my grandmother lay in. She had been a nice gran to me, told me funny stories about dragons, pulled funny faces, sang wonderful songs and talked about the olden days when she was young. I wondered why she was dead and would it last very long, I had never heard of anyone being dead before. In front of me an older cousin bent over the long box and whispered something to gran then seemed to kiss her. The line shuffled forward, my mum put her hand on my back and pushed gently. There was a small stool at the side and I climbed onto it and looked inside. My gran lay there, very still, eyes closed ... "gran?" no-one moved, "gran, are you asleep?" a cousin sniggered close by. I reached out and touched her face, it was cold and hard, she didn't move, I thought how small she looked and saw her hair was different to how she normally had it. I didn't like the feeling in my tummy, "give gran a kiss goodbye" my mum whispered. My eyes felt funny, I felt sick and wanted to run away then come back and listen to gran telling stories again. "Kiss gran" mum whispered in my ear again, I bent into the box to give her one of the butterfly kisses we did, touched her with my hand again and felt dizzy, vomited and fell into the box on top of her. 

I cried all the way home, cuddled into my mum as she shushed and stroked my hair.