Just someone I know..

I think what makes me most curious about them is their contradiction.

It's something difficult to explain but deeply fundamental to their personality.

I don't know if this is just a human thing but regardless, the amount of conflict in this person is so baffling, so amusing, so tragic.

I've known them years now so I know what I'm talking about.

I don't understand how they can exist as they do, being ripped apart constantly by two opposite forces.

They argue with themself over the strangest things.

To eat or not to eat..

Anxiety or apathy..

To be or not to be.

That one's a real doozy.

My earliest memories with them are painful.

It's hard when the person who'd shown you the most love in a long time, the love you craved, more than your parents were capable at the time...

It's hard when that person hurts you and then leaves you to deal with that hurt.

It's hard when your mind gets fucked up.

I don't know why we humans do that.

Why do we let our minds get so messed up?

I say this knowing stuff like mental illness kinda just... Happens.

I have issues of my own but I still wonder, sometimes, why either of us let it get this far.

Oh well.

Thrice the age of that point in our lives, she's an interesting person now.

Grown up but definitely too childlike to be called that.

I've watched her go mad more times than I can count.

And when he's happy, I can't help but smile, too.

I wish they could see what I see.

I wish it mattered to them that I want them to live, that I think they deserve to have a good life if they could just stick around and keep reaching for it.

But they want the opposite.

We're two perfect contradictions, you see.

Trapped in battle over everything everything-able

And we do so hate conflict, me and I.

But here we are still.

Another day.

Another week.

Another long, goddamn year of who knows what in store.

Getting to know them has been... A mess.

Good, bad, a mix like everything else life has to offer.

And see, they might feel differently but I don't regret meeting you, self.

Not for one moment.