Just my thoughts. #1

I failed my first license test today.

It hurt. I'm so frustrated with myself. I was looking forward to getting my license, being able to go places without my parents. But of course. I failed it. And I know that if someone does read this, then you will be like, "Ohhh, you can just retake it! You'll be fine!" It still hurts. It still feels like a big pit of emptiness has opened in me even though there is no reason for this to affect me this way. I should have expected the fail to be honest. I really should have.

I got to the DMV. The woman asked some questions and for some documents. We went to the car I was driving. I get in. She asks for the high beams and some other thing. I got flustered cause I didn't know what she was talking about (my parents use the term "brights" for the high beams). She tells me to press on the brake. I AM PRESSING ON THE BRAKE BUT THEN I GO AHEAD AND PRESS THE GAS PEDAL!!! She goes, "Don't let that happen again or else you will fail." And I'm like, yes of course. She gets into the car and asks me to do a few more things. I comply becoming more and more flustered. Finally, she has me leave parking lot. I reverse, looking to the left. I see a car. I stop. I wait. And then the woman says to turn off the car and that she is going back inside to talk to my mom. I failed. It hurts. Even now, 2 hours later.