painful ramblings

I want your ghost

To visit me

Lay with me

Under my covers

Steal my breath

Then let me inhale you

Your spirit

Filling my lungs

And into my soul

Possess me

I need to smell you

If I can't touch you

If I can't hear your voice

And your resistant laugh

If I was a little more crazy

I would break into your mother's house

And steal your red flannel

Scented with your musk

And fresh tobacco

And I'd steal a page

From your private notebook

To see your perfect handwriting

Smell the blood of your intelligence

Smeared onto the pages

In antique cursive

Like calligraphy

Written only with a fountain pen

And on the finest paper

Parchment at worst

And that damn cat of yours

Why do I keep thinking about her?

I miss her

Is she really yours?

Or a stray that you feed?

Maybe we share a kinship--me and the cat

We both love you

Depend on something innate

We are both grey

And you love us from a distance

Afraid to get too close

You can't be attached

I miss shopping for used books

Talking about poetry

In the bench seat of your car

My hand on your thigh

Head on your shoulder

You telling me how sweet I am

And inhaling every moment

Devouring each other

And parking

Rolling cigarettes and

Drinking whiskey

Watching the moon

I miss staying up all night

And never regretting it

I miss the way you touched me

Lightly

But with such passion

You left bruises

You said we would always Be

We had no choice

The universe conspired

Plato's theory materialized

Light found in darkness

But so moving

Unbearable

A connection suffocating

And overwhelming

So you left

You couldn't take it

And every time I think I have

Moved on

You write me

With your metaphors

And philosophical jargon

Luring me back

To where I belong