God Drops In

“Morning Star?”

Satan cringed, he hated that God would just drop in, unannounced. Don’t get him wrong, he had nothing against the guy, but he was just so boring with all of his ‘Commandments’ about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, it was infuriating. But God was his dad so it would only be polite to answer. “I haven’t gone by that name in years, Dad.”

“Sorry, Satan,” Satan could hear the cringe in his voice. At least God accepted Satan’s new life after his fall.

“So, how’s the soul torturing going?”

“Soul torturing? What are you talking about?” Satan was honestly, incredibly confused. Hardly any souls were tortured now a day. He used to torture nearly everybody that came to him to get his anger out, until he realized that most of them were pretty awesome and God just hadn’t let them into Heaven for pretty bullshit reasons. Torture was the lowest thing on his to do list because he just didn’t get much satisfaction from it.

“Well, yeah, isn’t that what you’re doing with all the damned that I’m sending you?”

“No! No, Dad I hardly do any torture at all, I hate it. Most of the ‘damned’ are pretty awesome. You have sent me every gay, every lesbian, heck you even sent me Bruce freaking Lee because he didn’t worship you. Do you know how cool these people are? It’s pretty much a party 24/7, I bet it’s way better than your boring, fashion-less heaven. All that serenity and those white robes that haven’t been stylish since Jesus went down for his little Earth holiday. I’m pretty sure that we’re way cooler in our fiery inferno than you are in your clouds.”

“But, but,” Satan felt rather smug having reduced the mighty and powerful creator to a spluttering mess. Finally, God was able to get a sentence out, “But you’re evil.”

“Yeah, so why wouldn’t I reward and thank the ones that don’t suck. Obviously I don’t reward the truly awful ones; like the rapists and the ones who murder just for kicks, but even then, I wait until they see the error of their ways and then I let them out of the torture chambers to join the rest of us.”

God looked genuinely baffled, opening and closing his mouth, no sound coming out, like a fish out of water. Satan just smirked, it was fun to shock God, very rare, but fun nonetheless. Satan glanced at his watch and realized he had to go. “Well, not that I don’t love when you drop in, but I’ve got a kingdom to run, so I’m gonna have to go. Later, Pops,” With that, Satan turned on his heel and calmly strode out, allowing a full grin to break out on his face, leaving God gaping after him.