Looking Good, Doll

I keep depression hidden, out of sight

A girl must be socially acceptable

Better to look good than feel good, they say

And hey baby, I'm looking impeccable

I pass the gossips in the hall

"How are you?" As if they care

"I'm good, real good," I answer back

I walk off with a toss of my hair

My long hair is shiny, I brush it each day

No more days where I skip a shower

My clothes are clean, my teeth are brushed

I'm not shooting from the bell tower

My face is made up, I'm looking pretty

Make-up is my mask and my shield

To hide the fact that I don't give a fuck

That I am so far away from being healed

What would they say, if I answered with truth

"I'm unwell, I may have lost my mind.

I'm putting myself in dangerous spots,

I'm vulnerable, I'm lost, I'm resigned.

I'm seeking validation in the eyes of men,

I should've quit that shit when I was younger

Diet Pepsi and gummy bears keep me alive

Marlboro Lights are what feed my hunger

I don't lock my doors at all anymore

I like to wander the streets in the night

Hoping to meet my demise there in the dark

Cursing survival when I see the sunlight

I pay no bills until things get shut off

I've had no hot water for over a week

I don't even care, I guess that's the main thing

Lack of motivation, so to speak

I don't want to come to work, I hate my job

I sit at my desk without doing anything

When the day is over, I don't want to go home

Truthfully, I hate everyone and everything"

Aaahh, the look of shock would be priceless

Really, is there even a correct response?

"I'm praying for you," with a phony hug

Unable to hide their smug nonchalance

There are a few who love me, who truly care

I hate making them worried and sad

Tired of hearing them lecture and bitch

What's the point in all of us feeling bad?

So I keep it to myself, I lock down my crazy

I recite sanity like a Bible verse

Being depressed is no one's business but mine

It's my secret, my burden, my curse