When will it End?

"We are almost there"

but my thoughts are in the distance,

lost while I am in mid-sentence,

trying not to remember, trying to deny what I know,

Wishing that you had said yes, it was a lie, instead of your normal "no"

Listening to the lyrics of "A Beautiful Lie"

thinking that they remind me of the lyrics to my life.

"do you want to be different, try to let go of the truth"

thinking even more so, how foolish I am in my youth,

yes, I want to be different, to give up my pain,

I don't want to be the one on the other end again.

Watching the videos that I kept, not able to erase,

just like the memory of you, especially in this case.

Looking at my happiness, one shared so rare,

watching my eyes and then looking away trying not to care.

Can I deny the fact how I felt, can I deny what I wished?

Can I even deny the fact my weakness asked for a last kiss?

I can't, I can't take back the words I have said,

the feelings that I have had, the feeling of the dead.

Hollowness and emptyness all combined into one,

an empty soul by now, where my heart is gone.

Trying to make my own excuses trying to get by,

trying to find a way out, trying to make up lies.

"Everyone's looking at me, I running round in circles baby"

I feel the eyes on my shoulder, the eyes that see right through me,

I try to avoid looking up, looking away, hiding myself trying to seem happy,

trying to show no pain, no regreti, trying not to be me.

Finding things to keep my thoughts occupied but always leading back to you,

trying to figure my life, mistakes, regrets, past, and what wrongs I do.

All for you I say, all for you, but I lie to myself and say for us.

I looked for truth, I tried for lies, I tried for anything, only to be just.

I would be lying to say I have given up, that I am not still hoping,

there is such little chance that I understand that later I will be coping.

Is it wrong to try? Wrong to care, wrong to love, wrong to cry?

Maybe it's wrong in your eyes or mine.

I try to understand, I look to see things from every point, but I must be blind,

is it so good to be inspired to such depressionable forms, this is what I find.

When I look, I look away, or not at all, feeling my heart jump and my breath fail me,

is this how it's suppose to be, is this how you made me?

"We all have a weakness, some of ours are easy to identify"

why must mine be so simple, so seen by others, I don't even have to clarify.

I shudder at the thought that this has happened, that I have had a downfall,

you must know I am weak by now, everytime I tried to call.

"We all have someone that digs in us"

but you dig deep, all the way up to the handle while I make a fuss

when will it be over, when will the digging end and the dirt be repoured?

You must know since you were the one to pull the life support cord.

"Is there a spell that I am under, keeping me from seeing the real thing"

sometimes I wonder, but maybe there is no real thing, it must not mean anything.

Did I mean anything to you, did my words, did my pain?

What did you get from not caring, from not opening up, what was your gain?

"Love sings, when it transcends the bad things"

when will you understand that? When will you be the one to say something?

Never to be the man to forgive a girl her past, though behind her kept to hurt.

Treat the girl as she has been treated before, be like all the rest, treat her as dirt.

"I am not your typical guy"

Ha! That sure was the ultimate lie,

why do I say that, cause that's what you've shown, the sad depressing downside,

what I acutally believed that you were telling the truth deep down inside.

"Fettered and abused, stand naked and accused"

feeling that way as I did before, always in the end feeling the same "used"

held for punishment not by god, but by man,

what is it that makes you so holy, what is it that makes you the better lamb?

"Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good, and it feels like i'm alive"

well, I am alive, so why must I hurt more than before? What must I do to strive?

What must I go through for someone's doubt to finally be appeased?

Must I sit around and beg upon my knees?

"It's only in your head you feel left out, or looked down on"

that's right, it's in my head, but I can be better, life is just a con.

In the end if it does end, I will still feel the same, not the negative way,

but just the way I met you, excited, in love, and that will never change, any day.

"It just takes sometime, everything will be just fine, everything will be alright"

it may not matter to me that in the end things get better, or sight may be seen.

I just had wished that things would have been better, I wish I could relive it,

I don't know if you wish the same or not, but if I asked this favor could you give it?