I’m (Not) Back

Think back to your childhood. Was there a show you favored, a book you read until the binds fell apart, a toy you could never sleep without?

Perhaps you still watch that show when you wake up from a nightmare at three in the morning. Or maybe that book still sits on your shelf, collecting dust, until you have a rough day and flip the pages open to return home. Perchance, you keep that toy in the attic and whenever you open the dusty old box it lies in, you smile halfway and run your fingers down it.

I've had Prose for years. As someone who loved to write since before I knew how to write (I scribbled lines on paper while I made up stories in my head) but didn't have many people interested in reading my creations, Prose was the perfect place for me.

Then my best friend abandoned me. (Which was my own fault. I wasn't exactly the nicest person.) Then came Covid, and I was isolated from all but four people. So I wrote every second of every day as a way to keep myself from going (more) insane.

And I wrote complete trash. Every time I stumble back to Prose and read my old work, I cringe and occasionally bury my head in a pillow to stifle a groan. Some of my more disturbing writings I've already deleted. (I wrote ignorant, arrogant and disgusting works because I felt if I exaggerated my circumstances, I would be worth more as a person. If you came across any of my work stemming from such a place, you have my sincerest apologies.)

However, several of my works do remain up, since deleting too much could have a negative impact on my progress as a writer. Embarrassment stems from growth, after all.

Still, in spite of everything, Prose is to me as that show or book or toy may be to you. An old friend. Something you value, but rarely think of anymore.

Even so, Prose can earn a smile from me when the thought graces my mind. There's so many wonderful people within the community that I haven't interacted with for months- perhaps even years. Additionally, sharing creations is beneficial to anyone's journey as a writer.

I'm just not ready for the commitment of saying I'm back.

Trust me, I don't think people were waiting with bated breath on my return; that's just not really normal with online acquaintances. In spite of this, I decided to make an official post regarding this status. Just to be polite.

So, (maybe) I'll see you around!