My first kiss was orchestrated by my older sister...

As I reflect back to my first kiss, I can't help but to remember when I was in kindergarden, and had a crush on this little boy who's Mom thought it was cool I was one of two, and invited my twin and I to his birthday party. We left that day dubbed "kissy girls" because he was so cute, we kept pinning him between us and kissing his cheeks. I could imagine that little girl having a very passionate first kiss some years thereafter, but someone stole her innocence first and she stopped thinking boys were cute at all. 

The kissy girl was gone, and eventually (after many complaints) so too was her desire for hugs, or any kind of comforting touch. Puberty was hell, because her body didn't know why her emotions and her mind didn't want what was natural. Yes, I remember going through highschool without ever dating, without ever being kissed, or being caught holding hands or inappropriately hugging. No, I got caught up in trying to be a better me in a world that kept being mean (because to a kid, evil was a bit strong), and my desire for male company took a back seat. 

I'd graduated, moved to another city, worked and lived as a young and responsible adult. As far as I knew, no one could tell I was any different than the rest of them, even if I never had a relationship to add to the discussions. But, my eldest sister knew, and it was her Birthday party invitation that would bring me to my first kiss. (I think) I'd just turned twenty-one, she was turning twenty-three, and booked a VIP room in an Orlando club for the occasion, but we went to a few bars first, before we even got there. I was my twin's designated driver so, I wasn't really drinking, but rather, watching everyone else enjoy their liquor and overly loud music. Eventually finding myself on a long sofa couch along the VIP room wall, low tables with buckets of ice and varieties of vodka in and around them between me and those dancing. I felt good, because everyone was having fun, and that was enough for me.

Not for my older sister, the Birthday girl, who'd brought with her, a self-proclaimed boy-toy named Lyn. He enjoyed pleasing her in any way she asked, and in the moment of seeing me alone on the couch, she'd whispered something in his ear that made him look at me with curious brows before he grinned broadly. I looked at her suspiciously as he started toward me and she just smiled and kept dancing, looking all too-pleased with herself. My heart was already racing, but I couldn't begin to imagine what she'd said to him, because this was the same older sister who used to make it her mission to make me cry. We'd talked about it, as adults so, I was fairly certain her motive here was not my tears... but if not my misery, what? It's HER birthday party!

Lyn was grinning still, as he sat beside me, close enough for our knees to touch through our clothes. I never let guys get that close, but there wasn't a malicious vibe anywhere to be found, and his closeness was exciting. I was tense, and he could tell I didn't trust this... whatever this was... so he just went out with it and said, "I'm going to kiss you..." and it was my turn to look at him with curious, up-turned brows. What?! But that was my only thought before he took a hand to my cheek to hold me steady, as he leaned in to steal my lips for kiss. I knew he was my older sisters not-quite-boyfriend-intimate-partner, and I knew she had whispered something to him before he'd come over to kiss me, all of it making me want to shove him away and be angry with her for orchestrating the moment...

But my hands never made it to his body, they stopped mid-way between us, because the feel of his lips engulfed me with a sensation of long stored away passion. I couldn't stop myself from kissing him back, from opening my mouth to him though I had no idea what I was doing. I just wanted him. The sliding dance of our gripping lips around the wrestle of our tongues was like nothing I had ever felt before, and I wanted more! To my surprise, it was the feeling of the two rings pierced through the outer edges of his lower lip that finally overwhelmed me into pulling away. I'd seen them on his lip but had easily forgotten their existence as simply apart of his face, until it was so passionately entwined with mine and then, my eyes had to see them again.

My eyes were on his lips, grinning, while mine were hidden behind one of my hands, the other fisted in my lap to contain my indescribable emotions. Then, I heard her almost squeeling giggle from across the tables and a little bit of dance-floor. My older sister, beaming brighter than Lyn was, all too happy to have seen her plan come to full fruition. I couldn't stop the heat from burning my cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment, shame, and fury. Whether he caught it all, or only enough to feel the need to reach out to me, he stopped me from standing (fully intent on excusing myself to the Ladies room), with his hand on my arm. He used that touch to draw me toward him, leaning in again to whisper with a smirky smile, "You're a really good kisser." I felt like he meant it, might have even been surprised by it, but I wasn't buying it.

At the time, I was remembering the old Jinger, the older sister who tormented me because it was so easy. I saw what she did, as making me want the man she already had, at a time when I'd gotten comfortable not wanting men at all. I couldn't take that look on his face, or the one on her's, the warmth of his hand on my skin, or his body so close to mine and I shook him off, stood, and left. I don't even remember if I went to the ladies room, or right outside, I think the experience was so emotionally vivid, I shut down afterward. It was another four years before I kiss another man, but that, my dear friends, is for another story.

-M.E.

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P.S. Authors Note: 

My older sister and I have spoken about this night since then. I have always fondly remembered it, despite my conflict on being unsure of her motives, or exactly what she'd said to him. In our discussion about it, she revealed she had told him something like, "she's never been kissed, go kiss her and brighten her night" and wasn't considering her past as a part of her equation to make me happy, to make herself happier on her birthday. She is still a little selfish, and I love her more for being able to admit it. In the end, it's an experience worth sharing so, thank you for the prompt!