I got here didn’t I

Being where I'm at right now isn't easy trust me, it took forever to get to where i'm at. The pain started with my Dad not caring whether he saw us or not, it hurt my mom had to beg him to see us and at least call. He chose his phone over us, I guess that's my Dad for you. My mom met a man named Jayson Hannah. He was abusive he beat the hell out of my mother and I saw it happen and couldn't help my Mom still has scars near her eyes from where he had hit her. Then she met a guy later on goes to jail for abuse. He was so nice at first, he made my mom happy then my mom gave him permission to be able to hit our butts. He took that permission way too far. Started with making us sit on a still, then kneel on a hard plastic crates, then he ratchet strapped me to a deep freeze on a crate, i was skinny still am but I was able to get out of the straps. He started to do things a step-dad shouldn't do. I didn't say anything because I didn't know it was wrong, he had taken advantage of my youth. Then we moved across town, he stopped doing those things for a while, and started to do it again, I found out it wasn't right when some adults came to our school, I tried to talk to them but my best friend had a drunk abusive foster dad who was his grandpa. And I thought that was more important and the left right after so I didn't get the chance to say anything. The physical abuse not the other kind happened all the time I would have to kneel on a wooden floor all day long. I'd have to exercise till they said stop. I had to run laps around a park and around the pond, we didn't do anything wrong, he wouldn't let us have water and would yell at us if we slowed down, second day he had water only let us have a bit, police came if we didn't have the water he would have gone to jail for abuse, after the cop left he yelled at us for crying, My mom came home and yelled at him to stop. The physical and the other kind happened when my mom wasn't home. She worked so we had things we needed my step-dad no longer my stepdad didn't have a job. He fake being physically hurt, we didn't find out till after he went to jail. His daughter's half-sister got evidence to put him in jail, took 6 months for them to get a match of his DNA on her. She was my hero. Things got so much better. I had anxiety and i'd make inappropriate jokes or be goofy and my mom put me on medicine so I stopped being myself around her. I developed depression, anxiety, PTSD, mood dis regulation disorder. I realized I liked girls and fell in love with my best-friend. We got together, I was so happy she treated me better than anyone else has. My birthday would be our 6 months but a week before my birthday found out she cheated on me. I cried a-lot I told my mom she made me stay away from her, but I still loved her, she had cheated on me a total of 8 times I loved her so much even though she hurt me. She destroyed me, A year when we were on and off when she kept cheating I went to like a total 4 mental hospitals and attempted to end my life 2-3 times. I felt hopeless, not worth much at all, and I definitely didn't cope in the best ways, I hurt myself many many times. In May 2020 we officially ended things, I went to live with my grandma because I was being abused by people in my household not my Mom she didn't know till I told her. It almost destroyed things with her and my new step-dad I called him and he got her together so I went to an RTF before I ended things with my ex-girlfriend it made me not wanna be gone I was happy. So I lived with my grandma for a month, then I went to a foster home I cried a-lot while I was their the foster mom got rude to me so my caseworker got me out of their then I went to a therapeutic foster home it's for mental health problems. They weren't trained for people with trauma and PTSD. It was amazing until I argued with my roommate, My foster mom was so rude to her everyone was I regret being mean before her it was a kid age of 10 who had a lot of problems that wasn't his fault after they both left. I got tormented got called a monster an sociopath, said I was going to go to jail, my foster mom didn't believe I was abused even though the people that did admitted they did it. They said I would accuse my new step-dad of shit, said I was ugly, I suck at everything, that i'm worthless, that i'm sh*t. That home is what destroyed me it made me wanna die, but I held it in. They said I didn't eat for attention, said that the needs I needed because of my PTSD was just for attention. I needed a nightlight, my door cracked open. I had flashback. And they didn't believe me. They definitely needed trained for trauma. They were homophobic told me I was going to hell. Would make nasty comments anytime they saw someone who was gay. She blamed me for the pain she had when her brother in law died. No matter how hard I tried I was a sh*tty person. I cried all the time. She kicked me out. I ended up going to a group home. My caseworker said if I had no issues their then she realized I was never the problem. I didn't have the best time their either I also cried all the time cause I missed home. I got into trouble a-lot cause I have bad attitude. I told people how it was and I was blunt and people didn't like it. I argued a-lot with people but that's just me and that's how I handle things. My mental health was bad their and I held it in. I just wanted to go home. My dad started to talk to me then decided to just ghost me. I hated myself so much man. I finally got home took forever to organize things. Ralph my step-dad decided to start being an ass. It's a month after my brother's death things's are extremely rough. And he made things bad. I saw my ex girlfriend at a Christmas party and met a guy I date later on. Me and my ex start flirting things while she was dating her girl and she ended up finding out. I hurt myself every Christmas pretty much. Because of my PTSD. Then I start talking to George I go to a mental hospital while we were dating he broke up with me when I got out. While I was in he told people he was single when he wasn't and flirted with his ex I became a bitch. And he is half gay like me. I became crazy with him. He got mad at me cause he slept on ft with a guy and I asked if he liked him and he got mad at me then I found out he was on a dating site while we were together and I flipped out on him then I blocked him. When I added me back we hung out at my youth group at my church we made out then got back together. I broke things off after this because he got mad if I sent him a paragraph and rarely talked to me and it made me pretty angry. We argued a-lot. And anytime he made me angry I would block him and he got mad at me. He got mad at me last year in summer when I got a gf. I think he was jealous. And he tried ruining it. I ended up breaking up with her cause she lives in Canada and her parents are homophobic she never blocked him. And she told me many people hate me. When I rejected her over and over again after we were over she got extremely mad at me and said everyone hates me. And I didn't lead her on at all. This past summer I had dated many people cause I felt alone wasn't a good thing to do. I start school this year and I meet someone named Jaxon he ends up cheating on me, and says I have a "boy toy" I ended things before I found out he had cheated on me. Then I got with the girl i'm with now. Homecoming happened, I asked a trans person if they would go with me they said yes I did like him but we didn't end up a thing. I didn't ask my ex boyfriend to go cause I didn't think he would. We end up hanging out 2 days before the dance, we get ^ and end up cuddling and making out. We didn't become a thing. Then I break up with my girl cause I got my phone taken. We get back together and she leaves me for another girl. Then we get together again and that is now. Ralph stayed an a**hole, still is. He smashed my phone so I have to get a new one. And I plan on breaking up with my gf now because I gave her like 6 chances. And i'm going to Prom next month. My gf said she can't see me this summer at all while I've knew her for a year. and I cant see her for another. She had a booty call, tried dating someone, and my best friend told her she liked me and my gf flipped out on her. And she ruined my friendship. And i'm having a hard time being okay with that. Right now I still wanna be gone, no matter what I do it's never enough. And i need to get away from my step-dad and find a place to live to get away from my mentally abusive step-dad. He calls me names and yells at me over anything literally. I'm here aren't I.