i’m trying to celebrate loving the way i do without fear

when I was 12 years old I realized

that maybe I didn't just like boys

that hey my best friend is really pretty

and my heart beats faster when she

holds my hand

when I was 13 I kissed that girl

(it was my first kiss)

and I finally decided to say out loud

that I am bisexual

I finally realized that liking girls

is okay

despite what others might feel or say

when I was 14

I started to love who I am

I realized that hey, maybe I'm asexual too

I met other people who loved the way I do

and I surrounded myself by a community

who loved me despite who I loved

who loved me for who I loved.

I went to pride for the first time

but

when I was 14

I woke with a heavy heart in me chest

with the sounds of gunshots and lives lost

ringing in my ears for hours, days, weeks

as I was informed

that 49 of my brothers and sisters

had been killed.

for what I do everyday of my life

for loving and celebrating who they are

for not being afraid

when I was 14

fear that I worked so hard to banish

started to creep in as

I had begun to fear my own safety

for loving the way I do

at 14

I came to the realization that hatred

has become too powerful.

but how do we fight back with love

if that's exactly what we are getting killed for doing?