Hungry?

Obsession, she will bury you alive.

I met this poison flower the summer I turned 17.

She crept inside, and made herself at home.

I was alone a lot that summer, with raging anxiety, she took her shot.

At first, I skipped a few meals.

Not much food in the fridge anyway.

My room was my fortress and the kitchen was miles away.

It didn't take long before I noticed.

The body I had ignored for the past 17 years had started to change.

The mirror was giving me compliments, and the demon in my head cheered me on.

As time went on, with her encouragement, I started going days without tasting a thing.

Nobody seemed to notice.

After a few months they did notice, looking at me long enough.

They mimicked my mirror, "wow, you look great", they'd say.

It felt good. Better than I'd ever felt before.

Every time my stomach growled it felt like an accomplishment.

Every time I said no to a meal, snack, dessert, obsession patted me on the back.

"Well done" she told me.

"Just you wait" I thought.

I got a gym membership, no friend or boyfriend to tend to.

I ran for miles on the treadmill, stepping off only when I worried I'd pass out.

Maybe then they'd notice.

No one ever did.

I ran longer, faster. I got lighter, thinner.

It felt as though I was walking on air.

I watched the scale drop, I shopped again and again for smaller pant sizes.

I started vomiting.

Even a small glass of water would fight its way back out.

Each time I'd clean it up, disgusting, proud.

My skin broke out constantly, begging for help.

I ignored, makeup did the trick.

Obsession admired the bones protruding.

When I did eat, she pushed salty tears from my eyes every bite I took.

"This is who I was meant to be, this is how I've always wanted to look."

My peers agreed. I was getting attention like never before.

I hadn't had a craving in months. Not even a $100 steak made my mouth water.

I took pictures of myself consistently for the first time, she loved them.

What had it been? 9 months?

60 pounds down, how much farther could I go?

Light headed was my constant state of being.

The witch said it would all be worth it.

I got in a car accident on the way to the gym. Broke my sternum in two places.

At the hospital they asked, "When did you eat last?"

"I couldn't tell you, maybe two or three days ago."

No one batted an eye, chalked it up to shock.

My favorite clothes hung off of me, bitter trophies.

I could hear her applause, I relished in it.

Things have changed.

I met someone who made me happy.

It didn't take long for him to notice, and he cared.

He took me out to eat, helped me cook my favorite meals. Encouraged me.

It all came back, the weight.

But, she never left.

Obsession sits within me nagging just as much as before.

But now she screams, profanities and insults.

She haunts me every time I look in the mirror.

"Remember when you were skinny? Remember when you were beautiful?"

Its a high I can't reach again, a scratch I can't itch, it's my illness, my obsession.

I hope one day I can say goodbye to her, a farewell, good riddance.