Shallow thoughts

I'm afraid of being to afraid to think. And for good reason. I've read too much George Orwell to not be afraid of a fear of thought. Lucky for me, I don't think I'm afraid of thinking- I think I don't want to think simply because thinking is harder than not thinking. I just chose the easier path. The more I think about that choice, the more I feel as though George Orwell may be disappointed. Maybe it's not fearing thought, but not thinking at all is just the problem. But it's too hard to feel disappointed, and it's even harder to feel I've disappointed another, so I just won't think about that.

If I wanted to, I would.

But if I didn't want to, would that be just as bad?