Something In The Orange

I drew my last breath with her in my life as she drew away from my arms for the last time. The sun was rising when she said goodbye. She'd never looked more beautiful in the dawn's dewey stand. She told me she couldn't wait for me anymore. I wished it wasn't true.

"I need you to be there for me, but you're not willing to show up. It's been over a year. I can't wait for you to love me. I've given you all the time I can give. It's too hard. I can't do it anymore."

I tried to keep my welling eyes from overflowing. If only I'd tried this hard to keep her. I waited until that last moment to offer the commitment she'd been needing.

"I care about you so much. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose your friendship." It was a lame effort, and it came way too late.

"That's the problem. You don't want to lose my friendship, but I don't want to be friends with you. I want to be everything to you. I'm willing to lose you completely if I can't have it all."

Her tone was soft, kind, and rhythmic, but her words were cement. Listening to the sweet cadence of her voice was heartbreaking. The moment slid over me in slow motion. It still plays on repeat in my memories.

"Can't we still be friends? We can talk occasionally and hang out sometimes, right?" Warm tears left my lashes as I asked for her grace. She'd never seen me cry, and I hadn't felt that helpless in my life. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried before that morning.

"No. We can't be friends anymore. I'm sorry. I don't want you to call me. I don't want to see you. I just can't do it. I'm sorry." She didn't waver, but she fought welling tears too. "I love you. I wish you loved me too. I know you do, but not the same way I love you."

The rising sun danced in her chocolate brown eyes. I never noticed how deep green forest colors blended into mahogany and espresso until she was breaking my heart. The dawn tortured me with refracting amber and copper iridescence as the sun rose behind me. Her eyes said things I wish she'd say out loud, but I didn't deserve to know those things. All I knew was she'd never be mine again. I tried to keep her one more time.

"I do love you. I don't us to end like this. I can't lose you."

"I know. I love you too. I'm sorry. I'm scared we're making a mistake, that we're messing this up, but I have to go. I'm sorry."

She kissed me for the last time, and I knew we didn't make a mistake. I made the mistake. I messed it up.

I drew my last breath her with her still lingering on my lips. She turned around, and she was gone forever.